Taking stock

It’s been just a year since I started this marathon project, a project I was certain I’d have finished in 6 months. To paraphrase Dan Akroyd, “Joe, you ignorant slut!” I thought maybe it was time to take stock of what happened. In my bold and monstrously foolish proclamation on March 24th last year, after a lifetime of sloth and gluttony, I declared:

1)That by the end of October I would not only have participated in but completed a marathon.

2)That optimally by the time I ran it my weight would have dropped precipitously to a mere 155lbs from what was then 183.5.

3)That I would acheive this through all of this intense exercise and better attention to diet

Furthermore, in my mind, I was also declaring:

1)That this marathon I’d be running would be in Grand Rapids, MI. I’d chosen it because of its size, reasonable proximity and because it seemed like a really good idea at the time. I actually signed up for it somewhere around or possible even on New Year’s Day. I don’t think I was drunk but obviously was not of sound mind. Why think about actually running first. The running would take care of itself, I surmised. Just sign up and it will happen.

2)I recall upon signing up that they wanted to know a little bit about me, my running history and my goals for the event. There was a little comment box to put the info in. I told them, without hesitation, in utter seriousness, that I only ran to the fridge for beer at commercial breaks. Also that my lack of running in the past was of no real concern because while I didn’t expect to be fast, I could surely dust one off in 4.5 hours.

And so it was that 11 weeks after signing up for this race I came onto D-land and let my ignorance shine forth upon the blogging world. How far “off” was I in my beliefs?
I was Helen Keller shooting at clay pigeons “off”.


miss! miss! miss! miss! miss!

The closest I’ve come to running an actual marathon was last month in Ohio. It was only a half marathon and it damn near killed me at the time. It’s now a good 5 months since my original goal date and there  is no full marathon in sight.
My weight has held steady at 175 for the last several months. My original plan was to use Sunday as a cheat day on my diet. Almost every day is a cheat day right now. Muffins, chili dogs, pizza, cheeseburgers. If it’s sitting still and doesn’t smell bad, it’s going in my mouth. People tell me I’m looking thinner so my body must be changing somehow. It’s not from weight loss. It’s probably a good thing I’m not losing any weight. My lone success story in the diet was cutting out the caffeine. While I have had the occasional coke or cup of hot tea on those really cold winter days, I’ve managed to cut that one out of my diet after years of abuse.

OK! So I was wrong about EVERYTHING. It wasn’t a total loss. I did actually run a little bit. I did get through a half marathon, several 5Ks, a 10K, a 10 miler, a trail run and of course “The Fat Ass”.
I found out what running in winter was all about. That it’s doable, unlike my beloved golf or gardening. It actually made the winter go by quicker because I was outside to do more than go to work or KFC. If I’d taken out the marathon as quick as my original intent I’d have never known that because there’s just no way in hell I’d have still been running after it’s completion. Something else happened. Somewhere along the line I stopped hating it. I don’t love it, but I can see me doing it in small doses until I’m physically unable. Hopefully that time will be postponed in direct correlation to how long I can keep pushing myself out the door a few days a week.

So for this coming year I have no bold proclamations. I’ve signed up for my second half marathon in May. I’m going to stick with it and try and do better. My name is Joe and I’m a runner!


  1. “Helen Keller shooting at clay pigeons off”

    LOL!! I gotta remember that one.

    So you didn’t make your original target. You’re still one whole heckuva lot better off than you were a year ago. I KNOW you’ll find it easier to hoof your way through 18 holes of golf compared to a year ago.

    The diet thing? You have to re-learn how to eat. Takes time and practice. There are two main problems to overcome too. The stuff that’s good for you is expensive and the stuff that’s bad for you tastes too damn good. Big hurdles, man. Keep practicing!! (It’s like sex – you’ll never get it perfect, so you have to keep practicing!)

  2. You run to the fridge to get beer yourself?


    Send the bitch. Hahaha.

    Smash \m/

  3. I think you accomplished alot. You STARTED running. Period. You finished a half a marathon? Holy shit! I bow before you! You lost weight…any weight. Again, I bow before you. People don’t just abruptly run a marathon. I am friends with two marathon runners (Boston and New York). They both trained for several years. Every day. And they’re both skinny and wiry to begin with. So, again, I think you accomplished a lot. Keep doing the half a marathon thing. They’re a great way to train. And yes, even accomplished runners are nearly killed by marathons. My shrink is grumpy as hell for about three days afterwards.

  4. I agree with Witty – you accomplished a lot! Goals are made to move us further along, and it seems like yours sure did. And I love the new WordPress blog, too. Even though I still do a lot of mental mind-dumping at diaryland, I adore the simplicity of my Vox blog, so I understand the need to stretch the wings a bit.

  5. I’m impressed! New to running myself you seem to enjoy (tolerate?) it more than I do which is a major hurdle you’ve overcome.

  6. Congratulations on all that you have accomplished. Isn’t it easier to compliment someone else than to receive a compliment? I need to look at life that way, in terms of what I have done, versus what is always left to do.

    I bet your body fat has gone down, even if the scale isn’t really showing the numbers. And life without chili dogs and pizza is a depressing life indeed.

  7. It’s May 2nd. *grinz*

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