Just to post something

Ran 3 times the past week including a long run of 4 miles on Sunday. Going to increase it to 5 this coming Sunday and so on and so on…
I didn’t do anthing that would resemble crosstraining this past week. I’ve been on vacation the last 10 days and have walked the golf course 10 times. I’m pretending that is my crosstraining. I pretend good!
The 2-man betterball, not to be confused with the Stepfordtart’s 2-man butterball (you twisted tart), was forgettable. My partner and I managed to foul up on the same holes which isn’t conducive to good results. Oh well!
The following day I tagged along with my buddy to Olympia Fields Country Club for a corporate outing. The course was magnificent. The clubhouse was unbelievable. The men’s locker had an enormous expanse housing 600 lockers, a health club and a barbershop. The paper towels in the bathrooms were way nicer than the towels I have in my house which may say more about my towels than anything. They fed us breakfast, lunch and what they termed fingerfoods after the round. This is the first time I’ve ever seen hunks of prime rib carved onto plates as finger foods. They gave everyone a golf shirt for attending. Within each foursome, a decision was to be made as to which par 3 would be played as a closest to the pin within the group. The prize was a $100 gift certificate in the pro shop. With my $100 gift, (like taking candy from babies)I picked up another golf shirt and a hat to commemorate my experience. I had gladly paid my $125 just to play the course. The rest of it was an unexpected bonus. I’m telling you I lead a charmed existence. Here’s a photo of my group. I’m the one with the blue shafted driver. (you don’t know how many ways that’s the truth)

Since then I’ve mostly just dug holes in my yard and traipsed the midwest playing golf. I did see a sandhill crane on a golf course last Friday morning. It must have been migrating as they’re usually found much further north. Naturally I didn’t have my camera with me. Isn’t that always the way it is?

Got a few days left of vacation to fine tune my garden. It’s grown into a jungle with all the rain we’ve been getting. When I say fine tune it I mean break out the machete and slash my way into it to find out what’s actually in there. Should be fun!

a quickie

Ran a couple times this week. Going to try to get out today and Sunday. I’ve got the next 2 weeks off so I’m going to try to get back into the cross-training on the off days too. I’ve got to start putting the death march on this project or it will never get done.

Playing in a 2-man betterball this weekend with one of the guys from work. Hopefully the rain will subside for a little bit. It feels like the rain followed me back from Myrtle Beach and hasn’t quit since.

Monday I’m tagging along with a buddy of mine to famed Olympia Fields Country Club. He runs a little savings&loan and is attending some short program from the Federal Home Loan people followed by food, golf, food and cocktails. He’s allowed to bring a guest if the guest is willing to cough up the fee. The fee is $125. I couldn’t play that course that cheap even if I knew somebody swanky enough to get me on it. When they’re going to feed me a couple times as well…I’m in.

I believe my economic stimulus check should be in the mail at the end of this week. I just got back my refund from the state and federal IRS. Between the checks I should have just enough to pay the first installment of this year’s real estate taxes. The government giveth, the government taketh away.

That’s all!

p.s. It can just fucking warm up anytime now.

Back at it

So I went out and ran a couple times last week. The first 10 minutes of the first day out were pretty difficult but then I seemed to settle into it. I actually felt pretty good towards the end of that first run. I felt fine the entire second run. Many weeks ago I’d signed up to run a half marathon in Cincinnati this weekend. I actually felt good enough to take a stab at it in spite of the layoff. As the weekend approached the weather forecast looked good. No icy rain this time like the last race had. A couple of the characters called Friday to see if I wanted to play golf Sunday. I’d already paid my fee to do that race. So there was a judgement call to make. Go to Cinci Saturday, spend 125 bucks on a hotel and 70 more in gas or stay local and play golf on a sunny afternoon.
I shot 78 at Willow Pond.
They got to keep my race fee. There’ll be others.
I took a few garden pics. The voles seem to have left my tulips alone but ate every grape hyacinth in the back half of the yard. (little bastards!)
The battery in my camera seems to have taken it’s last charge but I got a few pics in before it gave it up entirely. I like those new cameras that just take AA batteries you can find anywhere. Here’s a few pics.

A Whole Lotta Nothin’!

 

Shocking news to nobody, I haven’t run since vacation. I did run on vacation but not since. It isn’t that I haven’t been able. I’m just a lazy fuck! I haven’t done much of anything else either but I’ll recap anyway. My nothings are always so fascinating.
Let’s see! I was in a real dither when I got back from Myrtle Beach because I had a case of the hafta-pee-nows. That lifted the following day but it made enough of an impression on me that I called for a doctor’s appointment the following Monday morning. My assigned doctor, who I’ve never actually met with, was booked up until the middle of May. He’s at this clinic abut 3 blocks from my house so he would have been the most convenient IF he was available. I wasn’t going to wait til the middle of May. I asked if there were any other openings with other doctors at that clinic sooner. There was one who had an opening in 2 weeks but if I wanted to go over to the main clinic (hospital-15 minutes away) I could get in Wednesday afternoon. I took that one. Of course by monday I was already feeling fine and my natural inclination was to just call back and cancel. However, I bit the bullet and headed up to see the man on Wednesday. He did the urine culture thing to check on infections and questioned me and probed and prodded me. No infection found so that was good. Since this was actually being done at the hospital and the lab was right around the corner I didn’t have to wait on the test results. I can now see the merits of driving over there for my appointments. Anyway I’m supposed to be monitoring  the situation after I’ve gotten back to my normal diet to see if I have any further problems. heh-heh! That’s normal diet as opposed to vacation diet. He asked me what my diet was like while on vacation. Am I the only one who actually tells my doctor what I eat? I told him I ate a good breakfast every day. After breakfast it was, for the most part, all pub food. He needed a clarification of pub food. So I’m like, oh…6 or 7 dozen hot wings, lots of pizza, fish and chips and so on. He looked kind of alarmed. Everybody I went with ate the same kind of things. Everybody I’ve ever seen on vacation eats that way, because… we’re on vacation. But the look on his face was that he’d never heard anything like that before. People must just tell doctors what they want to hear. The way I look at it, I’m there to get help so I better be telling him what I’m doing. Anyway it continues, he asks if I’d had much alcohol. I say probably 70 or 80 beers, not all Budweisers, some bar had $1 PBR bottles so I had a few of those. Again I get the look. “70 or 80 beers?” he asks. “Well, yeah! I was only there for a week and I didn’t keep count so that’s just a guess.” I say.
Anyway I don’t think I’ve actually had a beer since I’ve been back and haven’t had any more of those episodes, so I’m due. (for a beer… not an episode)

What else can I throw in here? I read a quick blurb in the local paper that Chloe, a river otter at the Miller Park Zoo in Bloomington had been diagnosed as pregnant by their vet. A webcam was set up to view the pregnant otter and by the sounds of the article 225,000 hits had taken place in the since the pup watch began. The watch ended unexpectedly as Chloe died. It turns out that what had been diagnosed as pregnancy was actually a tumor on her liver. I’m sure this was terribly distressing to all of those close to the situation. But I just laughed my ass off when I read it. Couldn’t stop laughing for quite awhile. They say that comedy = tragedy + time. I’m sure that on his death bed, the vet’s last thought will be about that fucking otter and a smile will cross his face as he expires. His family will interpret it as some divine happenstance but we’ll know the real reason for his seeming peace of mind. In the meantime, I’m probably going to hell for laughing at a dead otter.

Quick summation of the rest of nothing:

New glasses last week to replace the ones I stepped on late last year.

First round of local golf this week I shot 75 like I was falling out of a tree. I might as well quit now…it’s all downhill from there.

Saw “Spike and Mike’s Sick and Twisted Animation Festival at the Cleveland Cinematique last weekend. No dead otters but it was pretty sick.

Though I’d seen vole trails in the backyard after winter and feared the worst, a short burst of warm weather has brought forth many of the tulips they left behind. I’ll get out the camera this weekend and get some pics.

 

A week in the life

 

Every spring I get together with some of the local characters and head south to get in some golf, catch some rays and drink way more beers than would be considered healthy. This year our destination was Myrtle Beach,SC. It rained like a mother all week and put kind of a kink in our golfing hose. We still got in 8 rounds of golf, but some of them were wet… VERY wet.

The first day set the tone for the week. We arrived at the golf course an hour before our tee time. Very few of us (we had 8 guys) had actually played yet this year. We’d hoped to hit a few on the driving range before the round. When we arrived in the parking lot, rain was pouring down. I mean it was really raining hard. The people with tee times ahead of us had either cancelled their tee times or were waiting in the clubhouse for some easing in the raindrops. The forecast for the entire week was off and on rain. I said, and yes, I’m always the jackass that says these things, “It’s going to rain all week. We’re going to get wet or not play. There’s no way around it. Fuck it, let’s go play!” For some reason everybody always does what I want. I’m no force of nature. I’m not a natural born salesman. They all just shrug their shoulders and say “Joe says…”. So we loaded up the clubs and waltzed off into the rain. We had a couple of first timers with us this year. One of them we’ll call Ray. Ray stands on the first tee and takes a practice swing, steps up to the ball and strikes his first shot of the year. The ball goes off into the rain and he asks if anybody saw where it went. Nobody has seen the ball because we were all watching his club which slipped out of his wet hands and helicoptered its way into the pond behind him. Brand new driver, first time he’d ever swung it, in the pond. After some futile attempts to retrieve it, his group squishes their way forward down the first hole. In the meantime, we watch as his driver floats farther and farther away. The grip of the club and has a closed tip sealing air in the shaft and the head is a bulbous thing filled with styrofoam, so the club is actually floating. The wind is taking it farther and farther out into the water. It is eventually blown across the water to the far shore where a ranger picks it out it and returns it to it’s grateful owner. It only rains hard for a couple holes before the rain turns to drizzle and eventually subsides altogether. But we get good and wet in the meantime and it’s probably my fault but they hold no ill will.

Next day, on another course, Ray again, stands in front of a greenside bunker, wedge in hand. The play is a high soft lob over the bunker. Ray skulls it and the ball takes off like a rocket, two feet off the ground, catches Max, who was foolish enough to turn his back on Ray, right in the wallet. I mean it sounded like a fastball striking a cather’s mitt. I, who never turns my back on any of these crazy bastards, get to look into the eyes of Max as the ball smacks him in the left glute. It all happened to fast for me to warn him. Ray started to yell “Look out!” just about the time the ball made impact. I did ask Max if he was Ok, but must admit I laughed my ass off first. Fortunately it really did hit him in the wallet so it didn’t even leave a bruise. But goddam, I would have liked to have had a video of his face as it hit him.
Oh, it rained that day too. It rained alot. But we played and ate and drank and carried on.
 
It was a full week of the same nonsense. Most of us have travelled on these things before. We know how we all behave and what we like to eat and drink and sort of have a pattern we fall into when we travel together. The condo we were staying in was on a now defunct golf course. The course is gone but the cart path for the course remains and I used it a couple mornings and evenings to get in a few runs. I didn’t kill myself but did get some exercise.
 
In spite of the week of mostly rain we all had a good time. And like all vacations, the week ends and we packed it up and headed home. Most of the time these trips back are uneventful. This was not one of those trips.

Saturday we played at Prestwick Country Club. An excellent Pete Dye design which pretty much kicked everybody’s ass, even mine at times. Coming up the 9th fairway, I had this sudden and terriblly intense urge to urinate. I had not been drinking that morning.  I’d had a 12 ounce soda with breakfast and was working on a 20 ounce bottle on the golf course. I made it to the men’s room in time but was literally on the verge pissing myself. I’m not kidding. It was a close call.
We proceded to the back nine. 3 holes later I was in the same condition. This course had no big bushes for me to step behind and houses lined the course on the sides of every hole. There was a restroom at the 15th hole and I just made it there in time. For the previous 2 holes all my thoughts had been on trying to keep from pissing my pants. I actually have no recollection of what those holes looked like, only that I was in agony. Crisis averted. 2 holes later, same thing. Now I have to wait until we’re finished and it seems to take an eternity. I putt out on 18 and immediately dash for the men’s locker room again. It was fucking awful! We pack up the clubs and stop at a Wendy’s for a sandwich before we hit the road. Our ultimate destination was to be Ashville,NC, about 250 miles down the road. I start out driving one of the vehicles after the food break, and after having relieved myself once again at Wendy’s. 45 minutes later I feel this overwhelming urge come over me again and I HAVE got to get off the road. I tell one of the guys in our vehicle to radio the other vehicle to tell them I’m pulling into the next sevice station. I just make it to the urinal in time. I mean… any more delay and I’d have had to change my pants. I shake my head and apologize to the guys and off we go again. This time I’m feeling alright, well, for a couple hours. Then suddenly, without warning, it’s on me again. I pull it over to the side of the interstate, bolt for the privacy of a bridge support and breathe a sigh of relief. I’ve absolutely never experienced anything like this. I am getting older and it’s possible my prostate is larger than it used to be. However, that had meant, until Saturday, that I had to take a piss after 3 or 4 beers instead after the 6 or 8 of my youth. Saturday was a different story. I’d taken in a total of 40 ounces all day and was just fuckin’ dying. I mean I had some real problem and I was freaked. After that we stopped about every hour just as preventive maintenance, just to make sure my cup was not about to overfloweth. We arrived in Ashville and I immeadiately took care of business in the men’s room in the motel lobby. This time there was none of the urgency of the times before. I was just doing it to make sure there was no urgency. We settled in for the night. I grabbed a coke out of a vending machine to wash down a couple snacks with, watched Kansas pound the snot out of the Tarheels and turned in about 11, after one last blast in the batthroom. I’ll be honest, I was deathly afraid I’d have some dream about a river or a waterfall and piss the bed. I was afraid to go to sleep. I did however go to sleep.

That night I dreamt I was at a racetrack. I was leaving the track through the participant’s gate and the driver of a Hummer limo entering the racetrack stopped the vehicle he was driving and came over to my car. He told me the boss would like to see me. I got out of my car, the sunroof of the Hummer opened and the boss stood up to talk to me from the open sunroof.
He looked like the guy who directs the Girls Gone Wild videos, but his hair was styled like the little gay guys from the fashion designer reality show who says “fierce” all the time. He asked me how I liked my new job. I told him I liked it just fine and thanked him for the opportunity. He then asked me how I was liking Berlin. I told hime I’d been enjoying it very much and then went on some babbling ass-sucking diatribe which seemed to bring him great joy. It was at this time I noticed the boss had either blonde or white highlights. I’m not sure which because the dream was in black and white. At this point my assistant, a small woman with an ear to ear grin, appeared out of nowhere. I suddenly realized that I was a hairstylist.  I reached up to shake the boss’s hand and the hand I saw take the bosses hand, was the hand of a black man. I was a black hair stylist. Suddenly, I awoke. It was 5:30 am. I’d slept through the night and not pissed the bed. Thank god!

We still had a 9 or 10 hour drive back to Champaign though so I wasn’t out of the woods yet. I had a danish and a couple pieces of toast for breakfast and washed it down with a small cup of orange juice. My intent was to take in no more liquid than absolutlely necessary until I’d reached home and the friendly confines of my own bathroom. We started out through the hills and tunnels of North Carolina and western Tennessee. We got to within half an hour of Knoxville and we stopped for me to do some preventive maintenance. I was forcing myself to take a leak just to avoid possible accidents. The trip went smoothly with pit stops every 90 minutes until somewhere in northern Tennessee where the van we were riding in started doing some herky jerky things. It felt like the injection system was kind of bogging down. The acceleration up the hills was brutal. Fortunately, if we could just make it across the Ohio river into Indiana, the road would flatten out and it would be smooth sailing. We crossed into Indiana, stopped for lunch, where I lived dangerously, having a large soda and a large glass of water with my meal. We continued onward towards Indianapolis. The road was flat. The van had the occasional hiccup but not nearly as severely as before. Once we got to Indy we would have 2 more hours to home. I had no uncontrollable impulses to pee and life was good.
But then…10 miles south of Indy, the transmission left the van. So there we were, 2 hours from home, stranded without a mode of transportation or a bathroom. Tim, the owner of the van had onced lived in the area and began calling people on his cell phone to see about alternate modes of transport. Approximately 60 minutes later a tow truck showed up to haul off his van. We sat alongside the highway against a farmer’s fence waiting for our rescuers. While basking in the early April sun, the boys began to serenade me with “Happy Birthday”. Yes, today I turned 47. I thanked them and proclaimed that I’m 47 years old, that I’ve got the body of a 25 year old and the bladder of a 95 year old. They laughed and tried to reassure me that I probably just have a bladder infection and the doctor will probably give me some drugs that will clear it right up. I’m not so positive about that but thanked them for the encouragement anyway. 45 minutes after the tow truck left, Tim’s dad and brother showed up from the north side of town to carpool us til we could be handed off a little further down the road. Another of the guys wives met us halfway back with their van and took us the rest of the way home. I never did feel the urgency the rest of the way back and never had to milk the elk til I got back to my house, a full 8 hours after we’d had lunch. I couldn’t understand it. Anyway, I sit here in the last hour of my birthday, happy to be back home safe and without the intense urge. It was a strange birthday but I’ll always remember it ended happily.
 

iBlog

Hi. I’m Golf Widow, guest-blogging for azzweepay.

He was kind enough to give me free rein of any topic I cared to cover, which is great, because I don’t know anything about running, unless we’re talking about stockings or my nose.

Coincidentally, azzweepay is taking a golf trip this weekend. I think running makes only slightly more sense than golfing. When you run, you get fit, and you wind up someplace else. When you golf, you hit a small white ball, walk after it (or drive a cart), and hit it again.

I thought, for a while, I would discuss golf. Golf is, to the best of my knowledge, the only sport that anyone can play professionally, as long as they’re good enough, and all they have to do is pay their own way in. In other words, if you’re rich enough, you have time to work on your game, then you can pay to get into the PGA.

Imagine that. Poor, talented people having to hope for someone to sponsor them, finally getting to where they can really shine, and having to compete with people not on the basis of skill, but on the size of their bankrolls.

Urgh.

It’s boring even to think of it, let alone to write about it.

So I’m going off on a bit of a tangent, to bring you a tale of technocrime:

A fourteen year-old boy in Daveport, IA, has just been charged with theft, extortion, and sexual exploitation of a minor after he allegedly stole a female student’s iPod from her purse, then left a note saying he would return the iPod if she emailed him a video of herself performing a sex act.

The Davenport captain of police says that the boy may have stolen at least two other iPods as well.

I’m guessing he had a pretty good gig going before he got caught. Either they agreed, which meant yay, boobies, or they didn’t, which meant yay, new iPod.

Anyway, the kid’s in a spot of trouble now, so I suppose he should have gone with running, or even golf, to pass the time, no matter how boring or tiring they are, nor how much more creative his personal means of entertainment might have been.

Pity, that.

But I further suppose this story ought to have a moral, and the moral is that this kid, a mere amateur, should leave extortion via tiny electronics to the professionals …

… Apple.

Taking stock

It’s been just a year since I started this marathon project, a project I was certain I’d have finished in 6 months. To paraphrase Dan Akroyd, “Joe, you ignorant slut!” I thought maybe it was time to take stock of what happened. In my bold and monstrously foolish proclamation on March 24th last year, after a lifetime of sloth and gluttony, I declared:

1)That by the end of October I would not only have participated in but completed a marathon.

2)That optimally by the time I ran it my weight would have dropped precipitously to a mere 155lbs from what was then 183.5.

3)That I would acheive this through all of this intense exercise and better attention to diet

Furthermore, in my mind, I was also declaring:

1)That this marathon I’d be running would be in Grand Rapids, MI. I’d chosen it because of its size, reasonable proximity and because it seemed like a really good idea at the time. I actually signed up for it somewhere around or possible even on New Year’s Day. I don’t think I was drunk but obviously was not of sound mind. Why think about actually running first. The running would take care of itself, I surmised. Just sign up and it will happen.

2)I recall upon signing up that they wanted to know a little bit about me, my running history and my goals for the event. There was a little comment box to put the info in. I told them, without hesitation, in utter seriousness, that I only ran to the fridge for beer at commercial breaks. Also that my lack of running in the past was of no real concern because while I didn’t expect to be fast, I could surely dust one off in 4.5 hours.

And so it was that 11 weeks after signing up for this race I came onto D-land and let my ignorance shine forth upon the blogging world. How far “off” was I in my beliefs?
I was Helen Keller shooting at clay pigeons “off”.

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

miss! miss! miss! miss! miss!

The closest I’ve come to running an actual marathon was last month in Ohio. It was only a half marathon and it damn near killed me at the time. It’s now a good 5 months since my original goal date and there  is no full marathon in sight.
My weight has held steady at 175 for the last several months. My original plan was to use Sunday as a cheat day on my diet. Almost every day is a cheat day right now. Muffins, chili dogs, pizza, cheeseburgers. If it’s sitting still and doesn’t smell bad, it’s going in my mouth. People tell me I’m looking thinner so my body must be changing somehow. It’s not from weight loss. It’s probably a good thing I’m not losing any weight. My lone success story in the diet was cutting out the caffeine. While I have had the occasional coke or cup of hot tea on those really cold winter days, I’ve managed to cut that one out of my diet after years of abuse.

OK! So I was wrong about EVERYTHING. It wasn’t a total loss. I did actually run a little bit. I did get through a half marathon, several 5Ks, a 10K, a 10 miler, a trail run and of course “The Fat Ass”.
I found out what running in winter was all about. That it’s doable, unlike my beloved golf or gardening. It actually made the winter go by quicker because I was outside to do more than go to work or KFC. If I’d taken out the marathon as quick as my original intent I’d have never known that because there’s just no way in hell I’d have still been running after it’s completion. Something else happened. Somewhere along the line I stopped hating it. I don’t love it, but I can see me doing it in small doses until I’m physically unable. Hopefully that time will be postponed in direct correlation to how long I can keep pushing myself out the door a few days a week.

So for this coming year I have no bold proclamations. I’ve signed up for my second half marathon in May. I’m going to stick with it and try and do better. My name is Joe and I’m a runner!
:^)

Dead Dreams

Ok! I can’t remember why, but I told the C-girl I’d post something interesting and revealing about what goes on inside my head. Couple that with Mama Chimp’s recent entry about exploring the subconscious mind and then C-girl’s subsequent entry about incorporating TV into dreams and I decided upon this entry. Having fought this thing with cutting,pasting, writing and rewriting for the past couple hours, I’m positive I’ve failed with the interesting part. Maybe it’s just because my patience is worn thin with the whole entry. Anyway this is going to be long, weird, may not have a conclusion and is sure to be offensive to the puritans amongst you. If you’re offended by anything or easily bored, stop reading now.

I mean it!
 
This is it!

Last chance!

You were warned!
For those of you remaining…
you asked for it…
away we go!

 I had a dream where I was a ghost(1). I don’t know how I knew I was a ghost. I just was and had no problem with it. I don’t believe in ghosts in real life so it wasn’t a lucid dream or I would have called off the dogs right at the beginning. I was in school and attending a class just for ghosts. I was the only one in the class(2). The room didn’t have a pencil sharpener. I had to go to the room next door to sharpen my pencil(3). When I got back all the seats were taken. I asked(4) the teacher(5) where the hell all these ghosts had come from. I don’t recall seeing the teacher’s face. Nor do I recall seeing any of the other student’s faces. It was just like being amongst a heard of cattle. I wasn’t trying to identify them, I was just irritated I was standing in the middle of them and my seat had been taken. The teacher pointed out the back window(6) at my grave(7). I looked out at the cemetery(8) behind the school. “Son of a bitch!”, I said. I’d left the lid of my coffin(9) open and dead people just kept climbing out of it. So I ran outside and closed my casket real quick to stop the rest of those dead bastards from escaping the cemetery. There was a headstone(10) at my grave but I didn’t look at it. I seemed to know it was mine just like I knew I was a ghost.
 This is where I tell people it got pretty strange after that and stop telling the tale. The dream seemed to shift gears here. As I walk back into the school(11), a female teacher is walking back down the hallway(12) from the teacher’s lounge. She’s just gotten herself a cup of coffee(13). She’s walking ahead  of me. She’s wearing a blue dress(14) with some white print on it. It clings lovingly to the cheeks of her ass(15). I smack(16) her ass hard enough to make a pretty loud echo in the hallway as I pass her. I immediately take a right turn into the first room(17) on the right as I pass her. The room has a slanted floor(18). On the far right-hand side of the room is a little pile of spanish peanuts(19). I don’t know how they are defying gravity and not rolling down the slanted floor. I sit down beside them with my legs(20) stretched out below me and my feet(21) on the floor to keep from falling. I start to clean(22) up the peanuts, picking them up individually but leaving the little shells they always have on them behind. The floor is not only slanted but old and unfinished. A voice asks, “What are you doing down there?” I look up to see the teacher I’d just slapped on the ass. I recognize this teacher. She’s not a teacher in real life, she’s just playing one in my dream. I tell her I’m picking up the peanuts. She steps forward and she says, “I thought maybe you were looking for this” and she lifts her dress up to her hips(23). She’s wearing no panties. She has pubic hair but it’s short. If you’ve ever used a set of barber’s clippers and I tell you it’s about the length a number 3 attachment would cut, that’s how long it was. I run my hands(24) up the outside of her legs, grip her buttocks and bury my mouth(25) between her legs. I’m basically french kissing(26) her pussy(27). I start leaning back with my lips(28) still locked to her sex and my hands wrapped around her glutes. She’s then kneeling over my head. She drops the hem of her dress and grabs me by the hair(29). Then my alarm goes off. It’s 6:50 pm and I try to shake the cobwebs out of my head. I have to get something to eat and get ready for work. What a cruel end to the dream.

I went through several online dream dictionaries looking for possible explanations for different parts of this dream. Once again, Mama Chimp sort of put that one into my head by immediately checking a dream meaning site herself and feeding me something about what ghosts in dreams mean. So taking her baton and running with it, I numbered (as you may have noticed) words within the text of the dream and listed some of their meanings below.
(1)
a)ghost-In general, ghosts symbolizes aspects of yourself that you fear. This may involve a painful memory, guilt, or some repressed thoughts. You may be afraid of death and dying. Alternatively, ghosts are representative of something that is no longer obtainable or within reach. It indicates a feeling of disconnection from life and society. This dream may be a calling for you to move on and abandon your outdated modes of thinking and behavior. Dreaming that you reach out to touch a ghost, but it disappears indicates that you are taking steps to acknowledging some painful or repressed thoughts even though you are not ready to fully confront them. Seeing the ghost of a living relative or friend in your dream means that you are in danger of malice acts by that person. Seeing the ghost of a dead friend/relative in your dream, suggests guilt and regrets concerning the past relationships with that particular person.
b)ghost_Spiritual aspect of self. Memory. Past coming back. Beware of enemies.

(2)
a)classroom-  Dreaming that you are in a classroom, symbolizes that you may be learning an important life lesson.
b)Classroom  Ready to learn something.

(3)
a)pencil-Seeing a pencil in your dream indicates that you are making a temporary impact in a situation. It may also suggest that a relationship may not last long. Dreaming that you are sharpening a pencil, suggests that you need to be more flexible in your way of thinking. Listen to what others have to say; don’t be so quick to reject their views and opinions.
b)Pencil
To see a pencil in your dream, indicates that you are making a temporary impact in a situation. It may also suggest that a relationship may not last long. To dream that you are sharpening a pencil, suggests that you need to be more flexible in your way of thinking. Listen to what others have to say; don’t be so quick to reject their views and opinions.

(4)question-To question something in your dream means your suspicions toward a love one. To ask a question in your dream, foretells that you will strive to attain the truth. To be questioned in a dream indicates that you will be unfairly dealt with.

(5)teacher-Seeing your teacher (past or present) in your dream, suggests that you are seeking some advice, guidance, or knowledge. You are heading into a new path in life and ready to learn by example or from a past experience. Consider your own personal experiences with that particular teacher. What subject was taught? Alternatively, it may relate to issues with authority and seeking approval. You may going through a situation in your waking life where you feel that you are being treated like a student or in which you feel you are being put to a test.

(6)window-Seeing windows in your dream means bright hopes, vast possibilities and insight. Dreaming that you are looking out the window means your outlook on life, your consciousness, point of view, awareness, and intuition. You may be reflecting on a decision and seeking guidance. If you are looking in the window, then it indicates that you are doing some soul searching and looking within yourself. Seeing shut windows in your dream means desertion and abandonment. Seeing shattered and broken windows indicates misery and disloyalty. Seeing a tinted window in your dream, represents you need for privacy and your ways of getting it. You are keeping aspects of yourself hidden or that you want to remain ambiguous.

(7)grave-Dreaming that you are visiting a grave indicates that you need to delve into your own unconscious in search of an issue in which you thought had been put to rest. You need to stand up for yourself for no one else can do it for you. Alternatively, it represents something is about to be completed in your life. You are ready for a new start. Dreaming that you are digging a grave indicates some nervousness and uneasiness over some undertaking.

(8)
a)cemetery-Dreaming that you are in a cemetery means sadness and unresolved grief.
b)Cemetery  Death. Transformation. Something is finished in your life.
c)Cemetery
To dream that you are in a cemetery, indicates an end to a habit or behavior. You are experiencing a rebirth. More directly, the dream may symbolize sadness, unresolved grief or your fears about death.

(9)
a)Coffin-Containing the end. Ready to bury something. Unpleasant matters.
b)Coffin-To see a coffin in your dream, symbolizes the womb. If the coffin is empty, then it suggests that you are having some irreconcilable differences. To see a body in a coffin, signifies that you will be going through a period of depression. You may feel confined, restricted and lack personal freedom. There may be a dead or decaying situation or issue in your life and this dream is calling attention to it. It is time to end this situation or relationship.
  

(10)
a)headstone-To see a headstone in your dream, represents a forgotten or buried aspect of yourself which you need to acknowledge. Consider also the message on the headstone. It may indicate a statement about your life and its condition.
b)Legacy. Monument. Looking for recognition and ways to be remembered.
 
(11)
a)school-To dream that you are in school, signifies feelings of inadequacy and childhood insecurities that have never been resolved. It may relate to anxieties about performance and abilities. You may also be going through a “spiritual learning” experience. If you are still in school and dream about school, then it will naturally serve as a backdrop to your dream world.? Alternatively, a dream that takes place in school may be a metaphor for the lessons that you are learning from your waking life.?
b) Discipline. Instruction. You have the skills to resolve a problem.

(12)hallway-Seeing a hallway in your dream, symbolizes the beginning of a path that you are taking in life or a journey into the unknown and self exploration. It represents spiritual, emotional, physical, or mental passages in your life. It is indicative of a transitional phase in your life.

(13)coffee-Dreaming that you are drinking or need your coffee, suggests that you should gain some insight and knowledge before making a decision or tackling some project/relationship. You may be acting too hasty and need to slow down. Alternatively, it may imply a need for you to change your routine. Dreaming that you are drinking coffee with someone indicates that you might have feelings for that person. Seeing a coffee pot in your dream means hospitality and sharing of knowledge, hopes, concerns and/or ideas. It may also represent neighborliness, comfort, and companionship.
 
(14)
a)dress-Seeing or wearing a dress in your dream, represents a feminine outlook or feminine perspective on a situation. You are freely expressing your femininity. Dreaming that you are wearing a white dress, suggests that you want to appear pure and angelic toward others.
dress
To see or wear a dress in your dream, represents a b)feminine outlook or feminine perspective on a situation. You are freely expressing your femininity.

(15)buttock-
a)Dreaming of your buttocks, represents your instincts and urges. It may also indicate feelings of insecurity and reveals your struggles with some situation. Dreaming that your buttocks are misshaped, suggests undeveloped or wounded aspects of your psyche.
b)Humility and stupidity. Also power. You need to forgive someone.

(16)Spanking
a)To dream that you are spanking someone, suggests that you need to work on your childish rage and? tantrums.
b)slap-Dreaming that you are slapped indicates carelessness. You either feel unappreciated or betrayed. Dreaming that you slap someone, suggests that you are harboring some deep anger and repressed rage.

(17)room-Dreaming that you are in a room, represents a particular aspect of yourself or a particular relationship. Dreams about various rooms often relate to hidden areas of the conscious mind and different aspects of your personality. Dreaming that you find or discover new rooms, suggests that you are developing new strengths and taking on new roles. You may be growing emotionally. Seeing an appealing or comfortable room in your dream means opulence and satisfaction in life. Seeing a dark, eerie or confining room indicates that that you feel trapped or repressed in a situation.

(18)floor-Seeing the floor in your dream, represents your support. It may also represent the division between the unconscious and conscious. Seeing a polished, wooden floor in your dream indicates that you are fully aware of your unconscious and keeping it suppressed. Seeing a slanted floor in your dream, foretells that you are deviating too far from your original plans and goals.

(19)peanut-Seeing peanuts in your dream, symbolize the need to get to the truth or core of something. You may also need to start pushing yourself and utilizing your full potential, Consider the peanuts in your dream to be a pun for money and what little you have of it. It may represent your financial difficulties.

(20)
a)leg- Is associated with support and movement. Joy and happiness.,but an injured leg denotes unprofitable occupations.
b)Legs
To see your legs in your dream, indicate that you have regained confidence to stand up and take control again. It also implies progress and your ability to navigate through life. If your legs are weak, then you may be feeling emotionally vulnerable. If you see someone else’s legs, then it represents your admiration for that person. You need to adopt some of the ways that this person does things.
c) You need to adopt some of the ways that this person does things. Dreaming that you legs are wounded or crippled means a lack of balance, autonomy, or independence in your life. You may be unable or unwilling to stand up for yourself. Perhaps you are lacking courage and refuse to make a stand. Dreaming that one of your leg is shorter than the other, suggests that there is some imbalance in some aspect of your life. You are placing more emphasis and weight on one thing, while ignoring other important aspects that need attention as well. Dreaming that you have three or more legs indicates that you are undertaking too many projects than you can handle. Unfortunately, you will find these projects to be unfruitful and a waste of time.

(21)feet-Seeing your own feet in your dream, symbolizes your foundation, stability and sense of understanding. It means your need to be more practical and sensible. Keep both feet on the ground. Alternatively, it represents mobility, independence and freedom. Perhaps you have taken a step in the right direction and are contemplating your goals or your next step. The sole of the foot may be a pun of being or feeling like the only support of some person/situation. Dreaming that you are washing your feet indicates that others can easily take advantage of you. In particular for the people of India, to dream of the feet may symbolize divine qualities since the feet are considered the holiest part of the body.
 
(22)
a)Cleaning-Restoration of order. Purification. Maintenance. Everlasting friendship.
b)Cleaning
To dream that you are cleaning, implies that you are removing some negativity in your life and overcoming major obstacles. You are moving ahead toward a new stage in your life. In particular, if you are cleaning your house, then it signifies that you need to clear out your thoughts and get rid of your old ways and habits. You are seeking self-improvement.
c)To dream that you are cleaning an object, represents an aspect of yourself that is not working or functioning as well as it should. If you are cleaning the refrigerator or oven, then it indicates that you are getting to root of a matter or situation. It may also indicate negative feelings about the female role or that you are feeling inferior or stuck in some area of your life. 

(23)hips- To dream about hips denotes pleasant work and good news. Hip being injured means misplace confidence in mate and large losses to the family

(24)hands-Dreaming of your hands, represents your relationship to those around you and how you connect with the world. Hands serve as a form of communication. Perhaps you need to lend out a helping hand to someone. In particular, the left hand symbolizes your graciousness and feminine, receptive qualities. And the right hand symbolizes masculine, active attributes. It may also be a pun for some decision or something being “right”. Dreaming that you are holding hands with someone, represents your connection with that person. Your dream may also reflect anxieties about losing touch with him/her or that you are drifting apart. Dreaming that you hands are injured indicates an attack on your ego. Dreaming that your hands are clasped or closed means unity, completeness, acceptance or agreement. On a more negative note, it may suggest that you are close-minded, ungiving or unwilling to help. Dreaming that you have unusually large hands indicates much success in achieving your goals. Dreaming that your hands are hairy or rough, implies your lack of gentleness in dealing with others. You may be too brash and abrasive. Seeing blood on your hands means that you are experiencing some sort of guilt. Dreaming that you are washing your hands, represents a worrisome issue that you need to work through. Alternatively, it suggests that you are no longer taking responsibilities in some matter. You are letting go and getting things out of your system.

(25)a)mouth-Seeing a mouth in your dream means your need to express yourself or talk about an issue that’s bothering you. On the other hand, perhaps you have said too much and you need to keep your mouth shut.
b)Nourishment. New attitudes. You will soon have news from interests you are anxious over.

(26)
a)Oral sex  Gratification. Pleasure. You want to receive or to give pleasure.
b)To dream that you are giving or receiving oral sex, signifies your willingness to give or receive pleasure/joy. It is symbolic of your creative energy and reaffirms that you are headed in the right direction in life. The dream may also be a pun on talking about sex. You may need to communicate with your mate about your sexual needs and desires. Perhaps you are acting out your sexual wishes.

(27)vagina-Associated with female sexuality and receptivity. You are about to begin a period where fortune smiles on you in everything you do. You are enthusiastic about a new acquaintance or connection.

(28)Lips-
a)Message. Communication. You have many advantages and will have mastery over many matters.
b)Seeing lips in your dream means sensuality, sex, love, and romance. They are also seen as a means of communication as in the familiar phrase “read my lips”.

(29)hair-Attraction and sensuality. If you dream of hair means that you are careless in your personal affairs and will lose advancement by neglecting mental application.

When I found different ideas for meanings I listed them all. Not all of the meanings are applicable because they don’t accurately depict the way the subject took place in my dream. Most of them involve seeing one of the words. Case in point is my being a ghost. There really are no discussions about when the dreamer IS the ghost.
I found that some websites copied other websites verbatim. That sort of leads me to believe that they were constructed by people like me who don’t actually know anything about dreams but have marginal skills at cut and paste. I don’t really know how they arrive at these meanings. Obviously dreams play an important part in our lives. I think it’s more likely a combination of what we were thinking about the day preceding the sleep, coupled with what we might hear during sleep. I know that I sleep with the TV going. Since I sleep during the day while the rest of the world is awake I need the background noise that a TV, radio or fan brings to block out the rest of the world. Typically I put a DVD in the player, turn the sound up just enough to hear what’s going on if I was listening intently but not loud enough to shake the walls. Just a little bit of noise. I know that I’ve heard conversations, telephone, music and gunshots coming from the TV and incorporated them into my dreams.
I have a DVD recorder and will record 7 hours off of some channel at a time if there is going to be something interesting on. One DVD has Vlad Dracula, the 300, underground Istanbul, underground London, underground Edinburgh and then Vlad the Impaler starts all over again. During my dream sleep I’m sure I soak all sorts of things up from these shows. I’m sure all sorts of things fed this dream. I had forgotten til just a couple days ago that only a day before this dream I’d signed up for a motorcycle safety course. I don’t know if I’m contemplating my impending motorcycle suicide by being a ghost in the classroom or what. That could be a possible explanation for that. The spanish peanuts preceding the ghostly oral sex is baffling.
I have no answers. I told you I wouldn’t. If you actually made it this far, leave me a note and I’ll send you a merit badge for being a trooper. If you had a strange dream you’d like to share, do it. You don’t have to link all the words in it. If you don’t remember any dreams, have no fear. I remember plenty of mine and I’ll share. Just not with all the cutting and pasting and… 

still testing

I’m still kind of testing the waters of other blog sites. I like the simplicity of the blogspot. This one seems to be more customizable. (is customizable a word?) At any rate, you will be my guniea pigs. Feel free to squeal!

I have run very little so far this month. I’d like to say it’s because of the crappy weather. The weather HAS been crappy, but I’m just a lazy bastard. I’ve run a total of 12 miles this month. I signed up for an event called the Mountain Goat 15K a couple weekends from now. It proclaims itself as the toughest hill run in Illinois or Indiana. That may or may not mean anything. What’s a hill? I suspect I’ll go into it completely unprepared for it, stagger or crawl through it, depending on which blog I post the results in, and then bitch about how unprepared I was. That seems to be working so far so I’ll just stick with it.

 Next weekend there is a St Patrick’s Day related 5K over in Bloomington. I suspect there will be a green beer chaser following the run. I may go just for the beer.

I’m going to attempt to post a pic of green beer now. Not because none of you knows what green beer looks like. I mostly just want to see how posting an image on this site works.

  

It appears, at least in my preview, like it worked. We’ll see what the final product looks like.

Party on!